


This Isn’t Okay

by Chaotic_Adventure



Series: Voltron [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, And both the kiddos are bi so..., Angst, Aromantic Asexual Pidge | Katie Holt, Asexual Character, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Boys In Love, Coming Out, Everyone Is Gay, Everyone is just really fricking gay, F/F, F/M, Family Bonding, Fluff, Gay Keith (Voltron), Gender-Neutral Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Girls in Love, Homophobia, How Do I Tag, I Had To, I am updating I swear, I made up names for lance’s siblings, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Keith is Shiro’s brother, Kinda, Lance's brothers are both asexual just fyi, Lance's little brother is the MVP of this entire fic, Lesbian Character, M/M, Multi, Mutual Pining, Oblivious Keith (Voltron), Oblivious Lance (Voltron), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Polyamory, Pre-Season/Series 06, Sorry Not Sorry, Swearing, Texting, There is ONE straight couple, Very AU, Well there will be at some point, chatfic, everything is pre season 6 just fyi, i don’t make the rules, much wow, why isn't that a tag??
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2019-09-19 23:43:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17011416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chaotic_Adventure/pseuds/Chaotic_Adventure
Summary: Kogayne: you seem to have forgotten I can driveKogayne: rather careless of youTakashit: KEITHAKA the group chat of Voltron we never deserved





	1. In Which This Was Most Definitely a Mistake

**_NSYNC_ ** _ added  _ **_Takashit, Red Boyo, Gremlin, Sweetest Boi,_ ** _ and _ **_Princess_ ** _ to a chat _

 

**_NSYNC_ ** _ titled the chat “Sup My Gays” _

 

**NSYNC:** sup gays

 

**NSYNC:** I mean guys

 

**Red Boyo:** what

 

**NSYNC:** oh worm?

 

**Gremlin:** *facepalms*

 

**Princess:** hello! What is the purpose of this?

 

**Sweetest Boi:** a mistake is what it is

 

**NSYNC:** OH WORM?

 

**Takashit:** I hate this phucking family

 

**Red Boyo:** excuse me you hate this phucking  _ what?? _

 

**Takashit:** you’re not my real brother

 

**Takashit:** wait no

 

**Red Boyo:** I can’t believe you’ve done this

 

**_Red Boyo_ ** _ has left the chat _

 

**Takashit:** uh

 

**Takashit:** fuck

 

**_Takashit_ ** _ added  _ **_Red Boyo_ ** _ to the chat _

 

**Takashit:** I’m sorry bro

 

**Red Boyo:** forgiven

 

**Gremlin:** y’all’re gonna hate me for this but

 

**_Gremlin_ ** _ added  _ **_Adamn_ ** _ and  _ **_Matthematics_ ** _ to the chat _

 

**Takashit:** _ PIDGE _

 

**Gremlin:** what

 

**Adamn:** why hello there my magnificent boyfriend

 

**Adamn:** what’s with the nickname

 

**Takashit:** my fucking brother is what’s up with it

 

**Red Boyo:** no regrets

 

**_Takashit_ ** _ changed  _ **_Red Boyo’s_ ** _ nickname to  _ **_Kogayne_ **

 

**Kogayne:** not even mad

 

**Matthematics:** hey now no bashing

 

**Sweetest Boi:** yeah no bashing!!! :(

 

**Kogayne:** they’ve got you there takashit

 

**Takashit:** I may just kill you one of these days

 

**Kogayne:** lol no

 

**Matthematics:** hey now NO BASHING

 

**Gremlin:** is that a threat or

 

**Matthematics:** yes

 

**NSYNC:** now who’s bashing huh???

 

**Matthematics:** pidgey time to go

 

**Gremlin:** uh right yeah coming

 

**NSYNC:** where you going?

 

**Gremlin:** Adam’s house

 

**Gremlin:** gotta say hi to the ex

 

**Takashit:** hey now

 

**Kogayne:** so THAT’S where we’re going!

 

**Kogayne:** Shiro wouldn’t tell me!

 

**Matthematics:** _ Shiro _

 

**Takashit:** Matthew Damien Holt, what happened to no bashing?

 

**Matthematics:** uhhhhhhh

 

**Adamn:** oh crap mate, he’s got you there

 

**Matthematics:** *gasps* Adam!

 

**Kogayne:** I can’t believe you’ve done this

 

**Princess:** good lord this is a mess

 

**Sweetest Boi:** it really is isn’t it

 

**Kogayne:** fuck this shit I’m out

 

**_Kogayne_ ** _ has left the chat _

 

**Takashit:** _ sigh _

 

**_Takashit_ ** _ added  _ **_Kogayne_ ** _ to the chat _

 

**Takashit:** now behave

 

**Kogayne:** fuck you

 

**Adamn:** burn, man

 

**NSYNC:** now that’s a comeback

 

**Takashit:** just because you have a crush on keith doesn’t mean you have to agree with  _ everything _ he does

 

**NSYNC:** what

 

**Kogayne:** what

 

**Gremlin:** give it up, they’re too oblivious

 

**Takashit:** damn u rite

 

**Kogayne:** takashit what is this

 

**Takashit:** you can only call me that because we have different last names

 

**Takashit:** _ kogayne _

 

**Kogayne:** you know I don’t mind that

 

**Takashit:** fucker

 

**Gremlin:** so I’m at adam’s house and

 

**Gremlin:** _ damn _ I’d tap that

 

**Adamn:** _ PIDGE _

 

**Matthematics:** oh shush you aromantic asexual

 

**Matthematics:** you couldn’t tell sexual appeal if it sat in your face

 

**Gremlin:** the aesthetics though

 

**Gremlin:** he’s just so 

 

**Gremlin:** _ pretty _

 

**Takashit:** uh… thank you?

 

**Adamn:** I thought they meant me??

 

**Gremlin:** well you guys too, but

 

**Gremlin:** _ Keith _

 

**Gremlin:** hot  _ damn _

 

**NSYNC:** hey now I thought we had an understanding

 

**Gremlin:** yes and you failed so

 

**Kogayne:** what the  _ fuck  _ is going on

 

**Kogayne:** I mean thank you but uh

 

**Kogayne:** _ what _

 

**Gremlin:** oh just making lance mad,,,,, as you do,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

 

**Kogayne:** bad idea

 

**NSYNC:** pidge I will  _ kill you _

 

**NSYNC:** I have six siblings and two nephews who are ready to kick your ass

 

**Gremlin:** ah crap

 

**Kogayne:** bet you didn’t think of that

 

**Gremlin:** that would be correct

 

**NSYNC:** here I’ll even add one to yell at you

 

**_NSYNC_ ** _ added  _ **_Hayz_ ** _ to the chat _

 

**Hayz:** so which of you fuckers hurt lance huh?????

 

**Kogayne:** @Gremlin

 

**Takashit:** @Gremlin

 

**Adamn:** @Gremlin

 

**Matthematics:** @Gremlin

 

**Gremlin:** betrayal

 

**Gremlin:** I now have two (2) friends

 

**Sweetest Boi:** @Gremlin

 

**Princess:** @Gremlin

 

**Gremlin:** friendless

 

**Hayz:** we don’t ask for much but the welfare of our big bro is essential if you’re going to remain intact

 

**Hayz:** there are about eleven (11) of us ready to kick your ass at a moment’s notice

 

**Hayz:** k time to lurk, bye

 

**NSYNC:** _ HAYES _

 

**Hayz:** muehehe

 

**Gremlin:** I like this child

 

**Takashit:** how old is he

 

**Hayz:** I’m 14 old man

 

**Takashit:** I’ll have you know I’m only 6  _ old man _

 

**Kogayne:** yeah because of your idiotic leap-year birthday

 

**Kogayne:** he’s 26

 

**Takashit:** fucker

 

**NSYNC:** hayes who are the others

 

**Hayz:** well there’s siblings mila, cedes, sol, rosa, and nathan, of course

 

**Hayz:** plus nephews enrique and juan

 

**Hayz:** and then I got aunt mione and aunt gin on it, and  _ then  _ mama got in on it

 

**Hayz:** and then you add me and that’s eleven

 

**Hayz:** _ fuckers _

 

**Gremlin:** *whistles*

 

**Kogayne:** wow I feel so lucky for once in my life

 

**Takashit:** love you too

 

**Kogayne:** _ hisssssss _

 

**Hayz:** wait you’re brothers? But different last names?

 

**Takashit:** long story

 

**Kogayne:** we were brothers in the foster care system, then shiro adopted me after he got his life together

 

**Kogayne:** so he’s technically my dad but he’s barely eight years older than me so we’re brothers

 

**Takashit:** yep that’s about right

 

**Adamn:** and I’m the lucky bitch who gets to share this little fucking paperclip

 

**Kogayne:** what kind of insult is that

 

**Adamn:** obviously you’ve never used microsoft office

 

**Takashit:** we didn’t have computers in the system babe

 

**Kogayne:** I’d never used a computer until last year so of fucking course I haven’t used microsoft office

 

**Kogayne:** although I just had the paperclip described to me in great detail by one (1) pidgeon

 

**Gremlin:** don’t be mean

 

**Hayz:** look who’s talking bitch

 

**Gremlin:** back of McDonalds, 2 pm

 

**Hayz:** bet

 

**NSYNC:** pidge I know you haven’t met my fam but hayes is a) tall and b) strong as fuck

 

**NSYNC:** he’ll crush you to smithereens

 

**Gremlin:** what have I gotten myself into

 

**Kogayne:** use your bayard

 

**Gremlin:** oh can I?

 

**NSYNC:** no

 

**Gremlin:** I could just stun him and there we go, problem solved!

 

**NSYNC:** oh worm?

 

**Kogayne:** lance  _ what is this _

 

**NSYNC:** OH WORMMDKSGJHSDIL GUKBDSLH

 

**NSYNC:** my phucking 5-year-old sister

 

**NSYNC:** it’s the only thing she knows how to type

 

**Hayz:** which 5-year-old sister

 

**NSYNC:** uhh cedes

 

**Hayz:** got her

 

**NSYNC:** oh thank

 

**NSYNC:** _ OH WORM _

 

**NSYNC:** oh god hayes it’argkjnakjlsdkjfvodilzdfbjsa

 

**Hayz:** what now

 

**NSYNC:** fucking  _ SOL _

 

**Hayz:** got her too

 

**NSYNC:** so yeah those are my youngest siblings, mercedes and sol

 

**NSYNC:** 5-year-old twins

 

**NSYNC:** fucking menaces

 

**Kogayne:** I feel uh

 

**Kogayne:** not quite so lucky cause y’see I missed the entire thing

 

**Kogayne:** _ because a certain takashit stole my phone _

 

**Takashit:** it was partly adam

 

**Adamn:** it was matt’s idea

 

**Matthematics:** oh fuck off, it was entirely shiro

 

**Takashit:** betrayal

 

**Adamn:** yes I love my boyfriends so much

 

**Adamn:** I mean boyfriend

 

**Kogayne:** is there something you need to tell us adam

 

**Adamn:** no

 

**Kogayne:** shiro??

 

**Takashit:** _ no _

 

**Kogayne:** matt how bout you, I’m sure there’s something

 

**Matthematics:** NO

 

**Matthematics:** well my soul has finally descended into hell

 

**Matthematics:** but otherwise no

 

**Kogayne:** so how come I almost just walked in on adam kissing matt huh

 

**NSYNC:** _ what _

 

**Kogayne:** shiro was there so I know they’re not cheating

 

**Takashit:** uhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

**Matthematics:** one order of death please

 

**Adamn:** I’d like to yeet myself off the planet, thank you

 

**Takashit:** would you believe me if I told you uh

 

**Kogayne:** don’t embarrass yourself any more than you already have

 

**Takashit:** good point

 

**Takashit:** um

 

**Takashit:** we’re all dating?

 

**NSYNC:** oh congrats!

 

**Hayz:** yay I guess

 

**Gremlin:** good, matt’s been pining for a pretty fucking long time

 

**Matthematics:** _ betrayal _

 

**Kogayne:** I fucking called it

 

**NSYNC:** ...are allura and hunk lurking

 

**Princess:** maybe so

 

**Princess:** but hunk’s sleeping actually

 

**Gremlin:** how come he isn’t logged off

 

**Princess:** dunno

 

**NSYNC:** just saw him, fell asleep with his phone still on

 

**Gremlin:** fucking nerd

 

**NSYNC:** like you haven’t done that before

 

**Gremlin:** point made

 

**Kogayne:** say, shiro, aren’t you at adam’s still?

 

**Takashit:** uh yeah

 

**Takashit:** wait

 

**Kogayne:** you seem to have forgotten I can drive

 

**Kogayne:** rather careless of you

 

**Takashit:** _ keith _

 

**NSYNC:** ohh he’s got you now

 

**Takashit:** all of you should be in bed really

 

**Gremlin:** uh no

 

**Matthematics:** absolutely not

 

**Adamn:** uh no

 

**Princess:** excuse you, I am a consenting adult

 

**Kogayne:** can’t make me can you???

 

**Hayz:** mama put me to bed but I’m up anyway

 

**NSYNC:** same here

 

**Takashit:** _ sigh _

 

**Takashit:** keith you better not be pranking me

 

**Kogayne:** I do what I want

 

**NSYNC:** you know what

 

**_NSYNC_ ** _ changed  _ **_Takashit_ ** _ ’s nickname to  _ **_Clippy_ **

 

**NSYNC:** it’s more accurate this way

 

**Clippy:** this would make much more sense if I actually knew what that was

 

**Matthematics:** I’ll explain c’mere

 

**Adamn:** shiro the innocent

 

**Clippy:** I

 

**NSYNC:** shiro is  _ not  _ innocent

 

**Kogayne:** if the sounds from the bedroom are anything to go off of

 

**Clippy:** _ keith _

 

**Kogayne:** what

 

**Gremlin:** I now know more than I ever needed to know

 

**Hayz:** why are we discussing my brother’s boyfriend’s brother’s love life

 

**Kogayne:** what

 

**NSYNC:** what no hayes

 

**Hayz:** ah my mistake

 

**Hayz:** it’s just that the sexual tension in here could be cut with a knife

 

**NSYNC:** _ hayes _

 

**Kogayne:** what is this

 

**Clippy:** just pointing out the obvious

 

**Gremlin:** pissing off lance

 

**Hayz:** as you do

 

**Kogayne:** y’all better run

 

**Kogayne:** especially you hayes, if you’re in range

 

**NSYNC:** _ HAYES I’M COMING FOR YOU _

 

**Hayz:** wait no

 

**Gremlin:** rip my favorite of lance’s siblings

 

**Hayz:** you know, cedes isn’t that bad once you get to knogdnlifuksadhfjgkuajlshg

 

**Gremlin:** as I said, rip hayes

 

**Clippy:** he will be missed

 

**Matthematics:** also shiro knows what the paperclip is now

 

**Gremlin:** he’d  _ better _

 

**Clippy:** I’m thoroughly traumatized

 

**Adamn:** sorry babe

 

**Clippy:** <3

 

**Adamn:** <3

 

**Matthematics:** <3

 

**Gremlin:** _ gross _

 

**Kogayne:** tell me about it

 

**Hayz:** so I’m back and

 

**Hayz:** uh lance you might want to come down here and see this

 

**NSYNC:** what

 

**NSYNC:** the  _ fuck _

 

**Gremlin:** wait what happened

 

**NSYNC:** someone trashed the kitchen

 

**Hayz:** it was mila

 

**NSYNC:** fucker you can’t fool me

 

**Hayz:** fuck

 

**_Hayz_ ** _ changed their nickname to  _ **_Dead_ **

 

**Dead:** rip me

 

**NSYNC:** no resting for you, fool, you’re going down

 

**Dead:** yeah and you’re a twig

 

**NSYNC:** …

 

**NSYNC:** hey keith would you beat up hayes for me

 

**Kogayne:** …

 

**NSYNC:** pwease? :(

 

**Kogayne:** ok sure why not

 

**Gremlin:** whipped

 

**Kogayne:** c’mon man face off

 

**Dead:** _ fuck _

 

**Dead:** hell no I’m outta here

 

**Dead:** I’ve heard enough about how strong you are to know that this is a bad idea

 

**Kogayne:** and who told you that pray tell

 

**NSYNC:** hayes no

 

**Dead:** well it’s already too late for me so

 

**NSYNC:** hayes  _ no _

 

**Dead:** it was lance

 

**NSYNC:** _ HAYES _

 

**Dead:** haha rip me guys

 

**Gremlin:** go get him lance

 

**Clippy:** make him see justice

 

**Matthematics:** no mercy

 

**Adamn:** yessir! get ‘im y’all!

 

**Kogayne:** pray tell, what kind of fake accent is  _ that _

 

**Adamn:** uh

 

**Adamn:** swedish?

 

**Kogayne:** I think the fuck not

 

**Dead:** ooh run

 

**Adamn:** run yourself bitch

 

**Dead:** ah right

 

**Dead:** guess I’ll die

 

**NSYNC:** that little fucker

 

**Gremlin:** where’d he run off to

 

**NSYNC:** whereabouts unknown

 

**Dead:** and how long did it take you to look up that fancy-ass word

 

**NSYNC:** no time? I knew it already???

 

**Dead:** lance english is your second language

 

**NSYNC:** so??????????

 

**Dead:** you speak spanish about 90 percent of the time, at home or not

 

**Dead:** can’t fool me bro

 

**NSYNC:** you’re about to live up to your nickname for the third time

 

**Dead:** ah crap

 

**Gremlin:** guys calm down

 

**Gremlin:** have you heard from keith?? He’s ghosting

 

**Kogayne:** was not

 

**Gremlin:** you could’ve fooled me

 

**Kogayne:** I was killing adam

 

**Kogayne:** the ugliest of the ugly trio

 

**Gremlin:** you used to like matt

 

**Kogayne:** _ pidge _

 

**Matthematics:** me?????? owo

 

**Clippy:** hands off

 

**Matthematics:** the great and amazing keith liked  _ me??????? _

 

**Matthematics:** I am honored

 

**Kogayne:** oh shut up

 

**Kogayne:** you’re dating my brother for goodness sake

 

**Adamn:** hmm I don’t have any more digs at you unfortunately

 

**Kogayne:** _ good _

 

**Clippy:** now go to bed or you're grounded

 

**Kogayne:** fiiiiiiiine 


	2. In Which Someone Is To Blame, But It Isn't Pidge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lancelot: hayes don’t you dare
> 
> Dead: I said
> 
> Dead: lance has a big gay crush on mr. ghosting keithy-boy
> 
> AKA if you want something other than relentless teasing, you better ask for it, because I have no other ideas at the moment

******Clippy:** I’m sick of this

 

 **_Clippy_ ** _changed their nickname to_ **_Takashit_ **

 

 **Takashit:** this one is more insulting

 

 **Kogayne:** thank you

 

 **Kogayne:** lance I know you’re lurking

 

 **NSYNC:** what

 

 **Kogayne:** explain your nickname please

 

 **Kogayne:** I don’t understand

 

 **NSYNC:** nsync’s bye bye bye

 

 **Kogayne:** yes

 

 **NSYNC:** bi bi bi

 

 **Kogayne:** lance no

 

 **Gremlin:** keith that’s so halfhearted

 

 **Kogayne:** it’s not like I can stop him

 

 **Kogayne:** wait

 

 **_Kogayne_ ** _changed_ **_NSYNC_ ** _’s nickname to_ **_Lancelot_ **

 

 **Kogayne:** this is better anyway

 

 **Lancelot:** yeah aight I’ll take it

 

 **Lancelot:** question

 

 **Kogayne:** what

 

 **Lancelot:** may I add someone

 

 **Kogayne:** why are you asking me

 

 **Lancelot:** good point

 

 **_Lancelot_ ** _added_ **_Romellllllle_ ** _to the chat_

 

 **Romellllllle:** what is this

 

 **Lancelot:** fun

 

 **Kogayne:** torture

 

 **Princess:** Romelle!

 

 **Romellllllle:** Allura!

 

 **Gremlin:** now there are tWo Of ThEm

 

 **Kogayne:**???

 

 **Gremlin:** [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lD_ag67tH3I ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lD_ag67tH3I)

 

 **Kogayne:** hmmmmmmmmmmm

 

 **Kogayne:** I have no idea what you mean

 

 **Gremlin:** I can hear the sarcasm through the screen

 

 **Lancelot:** okay well I actually don’t know what’s going on

 

 **Kogayne:** stupid

 

 **Lancelot:** D:

 

 **Kogayne:** slightly less stupid

 

 **Gremlin:** WHIPPED

 

 **Kogayne:** shhHHHHH

 

 **Princess:** guys say hi to romelle!

 

 **Romellllllle:** nah whatever it’s fine

 

 **Sweetest Boi:** hello romelle!

 

 **Romellllllle:** hi hunk!

 

 **Lancelot:** pidgeotto you coming or nah

 

 **Gremlin:** yeah

 

 **Gremlin:** gimme a sec

 

 **Dead:** ooooh can I come

 

 **Lancelot:** no

 

 **Gremlin:** yes

 

 **Lancelot:** NO

 

 **Gremlin:** do you even know where we’re going

 

 **Dead:** no

 

 **Kogayne:** where’re you going then

 

 **Gremlin:** study sesh with lance

 

 **Lancelot:** I don’t know mathematics

 

 **Matthematics:** you don’t know me???? how is that even possible

 

 **Matthematics:** I’m the best????????????????

 

 **Adamn:** restraining order for overuse of question marks

 

 **Matthematics:** :(

 

 **Gremlin:** hurry up lance it’s time to learn the UNIT CIRCLE

 

 **Lancelot:** NOOOOOooooooookay fine

 

 **Romellllllle:** that was an interesting development

 

 **Princess:** yes it was

 

 **Matthematics:** hey uh could I ask a weird question

 

 **Kogayne:** what kind of weird

 

 **Matthematics:** funny weird?

 

 **Takashit:** okay?

 

 **Matthematics:** if you got your arm cut off would it hurt

 

 **Takashit:**...........yes??????

 

 **Matthematics:** but where???????????????????

 

 **Kogayne:** in your arm

 

 **Kogayne:** wait

 

 **Matthematics:** exACTLY

 

 **Takashit:** I have a lot of evidence you are wrong

 

 **Takashit:** please see: that one time I had my arm cut off

 

 **Kogayne:** you were sedated. it was amputated. chill the fuck out

 

 **Takashit:** please see: that one time I cut my brother’s arm off

 

 **Kogayne:** bitch

 

 **Adamn:** shiroooooooo

 

 **Takashit:** yes

 

 **Adamn:** get off your phone and go back to work

 

 **Takashit:** I’m done with my work

 

 **Matthematics:** I am too in case you’re looking for someone to lecture

 

 **Adamn:** ok fine

 

 **Adamn:** KEITH

 

 **Adamn:** you haven’t asked lance yet

 

 **Kogayne:** fuck off okay???

 

 **Lancelot:** asked me what

 

 **Gremlin:** no texting

 

 **Lancelot:** boo

 

 **Kogayne:** nothing. just adam being a dick

 

 **Adamn:** respONSIBILITIES, CHILD

 

 **Kogayne:** *violently runs away* no

 

 **Takashit:** you’re 18 now, time to act like an adult

 

 **Kogayne:** noooooooooo

 

 **Romellllllle:** I am back!

 

 **Princess:** me too!

 

 **Gremlin:** …

 

 **Princess:** pidge, no

 

 **Princess:** we were at a convention

 

 **Gremlin:** uh huh

 

 **Romellllllle:** what is it?

 

 **Princess:** nothing

 

 **Gremlin:** allura, I see _all_

 

 **Lancelot:** except for my phone hahahaha!!

 

**Gremlin: …**

 

 **Gremlin:** _shit_

 

 **Princess:** did you confiscate it?

 

 **Gremlin:** y e s

 

 **Lancelot:** emphasis on ‘did’

 

 **Romellllllle:** uhhhhhm

 

 **Romellllllle:** why is there so much drama???

 

 **Lancelot:** you say that as though Allura isn’t your friend

 

 **Romellllllle:** you have a point

 

 **Princess:** okay true

 

 **Romellllllle:** well I don’t care, y’all have way more drama than Allura

 

 **Princess:** :D

 

 **Kogayne:** nah

 

 **Lancelot:** PIDGE GO AWAY

 

 **Gremlin:** WHERE DID YOU GO

 

 **Lancelot:** I CAN’T TAKE THIS TORTURE ANYMORE

 

 **Matthematics:** but unit circle isn’t even that bad?

 

 **Adamn:** maybe for you

 

 **Lancelot:** yeah, maybe for _you_

 

 **Lancelot:** not for me

 

 **Gremlin:** where thE FUCK DID YOU GO

 

 **Lancelot:** muehehehe

 

 **Takashit:** y’all stop

 

 **Adamn:** but shiroooooooo

 

 **Matthematics:** D:

 

 **Lancelot:** shiro c’mon I don’t wanna learn unit circle

 

 **Gremlin:** and you’re gonna learn it or I’ll smash you upside the head with my bayard!

 

 **Lancelot:** oh crap

 

 **Sweetest Boi:** what on earth is going on

 

 **Princess:** nothing hunk, go back to cooking or whatever you were doing

 

 **Sweetest Boi:** I was in fact cooking

 

 **Sweetest Boi:** would anyone like some space cookies

 

 **Gremlin:** is that even a question

 

 **Lancelot:** do I breathe??

 

 **Kogayne:** do I need to eat to live???????

 

 **Sweetest Boi:** aww thanks guys :D glad you like them that much

 

 **Sweetest Boi:** will be delivered later @ ogane house

 

 **Lancelot:** ogane house?

 

 **Sweetest Boi:** shirogane, kogane

 

 **Lancelot:** ah ok

 

 **Takashit:** I… never even noticed that

 

 **Kogayne:** I did

 

 **Kogayne:** except I only noticed the gane part, not the o

 

 **Lancelot:** well you are brothers so it makes sense

 

 **Kogayne:** except for the fact that we’re not actually related, lance

 

 **Sweetest Boi:** so ok I’ll drop them off in 30 mins? Y’all wanna head over?

 

 **Gremlin:** _yes_

 

 **Gremlin:** matt let’s go

 

 **Lancelot:** hayes I’ll drive you

 

 **Dead:** yesssssssss

 

 **Dead:** I’ve heard these cookies are legendary

 

 **Sweetest Boi:** uwu !! :D

 

 **Princess:** hunk never change

 

 **Romellllllle:** Imma coming, I want cookies

 

 **Princess:** me too

 

 **Adamn:** well I’m already here so

 

 **Takashit:** same

 

 **Kogayne:** lance save some for me??? I’m working

 

 **Lancelot:** k

 

 **Kogayne:** :D thank u

 

 **Gremlin:** I s2g

 

 **Lancelot:**?????

 

 **Kogayne:** pidge shut the fuck up

 

 **Gremlin:** matt’s driving so I don’t have to

 

 **Kogayne:** mmmmkay well I have to work so bye

 

 **Gremlin:** bye

 

 **Lancelot:** wait he didn’t log off

 

 **Gremlin:** he’s not here you can say it

 

 **Lancelot:** no

 

 **Princess:** say what?

 

 **Romellllllle:** yes say what? I am curious??

 

 **Adamn:** sup Lance?

 

 **Lancelot:** NO

 

 **Lancelot:** he’s ghosting

 

 **Dead:** imma say it then

 

 **Lancelot:** hayes no

 

 **Dead:** lance has a crush on

 

 **Lancelot:** hayes don’t you dare

 

 **Dead:** I said

 

 **Dead:** lance has a big gay crush on mr. ghosting keithy-boy

 

 **Gremlin:** see there you go

 

 **Lancelot:** nooooooo

 

 **Adamn:** lance literally all of us knew except for keith

 

 **Lancelot:** HE’S GHOSTING

 

 **Takashit:** then how come he hasn’t replied yet

 

 **Takashit:** he’s working

 

 **Takashit:** probably left his phone on in case someone called

 

 **Lancelot:** n     o

 

 **Lancelot:** hayes I hate you

 

 **Dead:** what else is knew

 

 **Gremlin:** do I have to say sorry because like

 

 **Gremlin:** this was kinda my fault???

 

 **Lancelot:** yes

 

 **Dead:** nah, it was my fault

 

 **Matthematics:** I see there’s some _drama_

 

 **Princess:** matt I’m gonna stop you right there

 

 **Romellllllle:** I don’t even know you matt and I’m going to as well

 

 **Romellllllle:** I’ve heard the stories

 

 **Gremlin:** ha

 

 **Matthematics:** you little shit

 

 **_Gremlin_ ** _changed the chat name to_ **_God Bless the Gays_ **

 

 **Gremlin:** there we go

 

 **Romellllllle:** would you terribly mind if I said that to my grandmother

 

 **Gremlin:** absolutely not. go for it

 

 **Romellllllle:** this is gonna be great

 

 **Romellllllle:** like HEY GRAMMA I GOT A GIRLFRIEND

 

 **Romellllllle:** GOD BLESS THE GAYS

 

 **Princess:** omg romelle

 

 **Adamn:** wait who’s your girl

 

 **Takashit:** adam you stupid, obviously it’s allura

 

 **Princess:** oh damn

 

 **Romellllllle:** ahahahaha oops

 

 **Matthematics:** yessssssss

 

 **Matthematics:** otp confirmed

 

 **Princess:** MATT

 

 **Gremlin:** wait where did lance go

 

 **Lancelot:** ……………

 

 **Gremlin:** lance you ok

 

 **Lancelot:** no

 

 **Kogayne:** sup I’m back

 

 **Kogayne:** oh hey romelle and allura, congrats

 

 **Kogayne:** although for some reason I can’t scroll back farther than that

 

 **Kogayne:** hm. bug?

 

 **Takashit:** let’s go with that

 

 **Takashit:** you better get home quick, lance saved you some cookies

 

 **Kogayne:** YASS

 

 **Kogayne:** ok see y’all in a few

 

 _Individual message between_ **_Lancelot_ ** _and_ **_Gremlin_ **

 

 **Lancelot:** thanks pidgey

 

 **Lancelot:** you really didn’t have to do that but thank you so much

 

 **Lancelot:** I want to tell him on my own terms

 

 **Gremlin:** no prob lance

 

 **Gremlin:** :D

 

 **Lancelot:** :D

 

 _Individual message between_ **_Kogayne_ ** _and_ **_Takashit_ **

 

 **Kogayne:** shirooooooo

 

 **Takashit:** yes

 

 **Kogayne:** why is lance so cute

 

 **Kogayne:** and how do I fucking deal with it

 

 **Kogayne:** I just wanna like walk up to him and squish his cheeks???

 

 **Takashit:** from experience, the best cure is to date him

 

 **Kogayne:** there’s no way he likes me back

 

 **Kogayne:** I’m an ass

 

 **Takashit:** well I like you even though you’re an ass

 

 **Kogayne:** you’re my brother,

 

 **Kogayne:** and that’s a lie. you don’t like me

 

 **Takashit:** yes I do

 

 **Kogayne:** asshole

  
**Takashit:** love you too


	3. In Which Magic Fuckery Takes Place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lancelot: I’ve had a crush on the guy who plays spiderman for the longest time
> 
> No: tom holland???
> 
> Lancelot: yeh
> 
> No: aight, fair
> 
> AKA: That One Time™ truth or dare is played over text and chaos ensues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me?? Updating???? What????????  
> I'm picking this back up to attempt to finish camp nano, lol  
> Enjoy and leave suggestions, tell me where you laughed the hardest, whatever! It means the world to me! :D
> 
>  
> 
> Btw cariño means sweetheart in english - it’s basically a spanish pet name

 

**Gremlin:** keithhhhhhhh

 

**Kogayne:** whaaaaaaat

 

**Gremlin:** you got a boyf

 

**Kogayne:** what no

 

**Lancelot:**???????????

 

**Kogayne:** NO

 

**Lancelot:** pidge is this true

 

**Gremlin:** idk that’s why I’m asking

 

**Kogayne:** IT’S NOT

 

**Kogayne:** I PROMISE

 

**Gremlin:** but u got a crush, yeeeeeeeah?

 

**Kogayne:** pidge do we really have to do this in the public chat

 

**Lancelot:** IS _THAT_ TRUE

 

**Kogayne:** ok I do have a crush

 

**Gremlin:** who

 

**Kogayne:** NO PIDGE DON’T DO THIS TO ME

 

**Lancelot:** confusion?????

 

**_Kogayne_ ** _changed their nickname to_ **_No_ **

 

**No:** rumors are always false

 

**Gremlin:** says mr cryptid

 

**Lancelot:** OOOOOOH

 

**No:** rumors are always false unless it’s mothman

 

**Gremlin:** you can’t just change the rules when you want

 

**No:** excuse, I am a consenting adult

 

**Gremlin:** you’re 18. you haven’t graduated high school yet. fuck off with that nonsense

  


_Individual message between_ **_Lancelot_ ** _and_ **_Gremlin_ **

 

**Lancelot:** he likes cryptids????

 

**Gremlin:** yea

 

**Lancelot:** k imma just be in love for a second

 

**Lancelot:** he’s such a nerdy little geek I love him!!!!

 

**Lancelot:** he likes cryptids!!!!!

 

**Lancelot:** probably has proof, too, like he did w/ the aliens and crap

 

**Lancelot:** so cute!!!!!!!

 

**Gremlin:** fuckin ask him out then

 

**Lancelot:** well there’s no way he likes me

 

**Lancelot:** I mean I literally flirt with everything that moves

 

**Gremlin:** I like you even though you flirt w/ everything that moves

 

**Lancelot:** you’re ace aro tho

 

**Lancelot:** and that’s a lie, you don’t like me

 

**Gremlin:** Yes I do. You’re my best friend

 

**Lancelot:** aww thanks :3

 

**Lancelot:** but I actually can’t ask him out??? Too scared

 

**Gremlin:** just do it

 

**Gremlin:** don’t let your dreams be dreams

 

**Lancelot:** but in my dreams I can’t be rejected

 

**Gremlin:** just trust me, ok? He likes you a lot

 

**Lancelot:** how would you happen to know that

 

**Gremlin:** I just do k

 

**Gremlin:** ask him

 

**Lancelot:** ok,,,,, maybe

 

**Gremlin:** yay!!! get ur man lance

 

**Lancelot:** :D

  


_God Bless the Gays_

 

**Lancelot:** fuck

 

**No:** what happened

 

**Lancelot:** nothing

 

**Gremlin:** what

 

**Lancelot:** you already know about it

 

**Gremlin:** oh yea

 

**Gremlin:** bi panic huh??

 

**Lancelot:** EVERYONE IS SO FUCKING PRETTY I CAN’T

 

**No:** where even are you

 

**Lancelot:** my older sister’s wedding

 

**Lancelot:** I mean everyone here is married or has an s/o but like

 

**Lancelot:** my uncle’s gf???? so pretty

 

**Lancelot:** my sister’s new husband? so fuckin pretty?????

 

**Kogayne:** well I guess I only have half the struggle but have you even SEEN the guys I work with

 

**Lancelot:** oh lord of course I have they’re freaking hot

 

**Gremlin:** I don’t quite understand but is it kinda like seeing a really cool piece of tech? or smth?

 

**Lancelot:** kinda yeah

 

**Kogayne:** except it’s a person not a machine

 

**Gremlin:** huh alright

 

**Gremlin:** where’s the trio

 

**Kogayne:** uhhhhh they’re on a business trip I think

 

**Kogayne:** probably in a meeting

 

**Gremlin:** so it’s just us then

 

**Romellllllle:** and me!!

 

**Romellllllle:** not allura tho. She’s sleeping

 

**Romelllllle:** and not hunk either, he fell asleep working on a project again

 

**Lancelot:** _nice_

 

**Lancelot:** we can grill you

 

**Romellllllle:** uh so actually I have some homework so… bye

 

**_Romellllllle_ ** _has logged off_

 

**No:** so now that lance can’t grill romelle can I complain

 

**Gremlin:** yeh

 

**No:** my science teacher fuckin yelled at me for being gay

 

**No:** said I was a f*****, all that jazz

 

**Lancelot:** I’ll kill her

 

**No:** she said I was a disgrace and that I would be letting down my race for not having kids

 

**No:** thinks I’m chinese, and with all china’s 1-child n 2-child stuff going on

 

**No:** I didn’t have the heart to tell her I’m part alien but ehhh

 

**No:** “you’ll want to have children when you’re older, sweetie, you’ll find a nice girl” nah I’ll adopt or some shit

 

**Gremlin:** I get that _all the time_

 

**Gremlin:** “but don’t you want to get married?? have kids?????? have a family?????????” nah I like my friends just fine thanks

 

**Lancelot:** keith that’s actually hilarious though

 

**No:** ikr? like “hey I’m actually an alien so are you sure you want me having kids? are you _sure???”_

 

**No:** also bitch I’m korean?????

 

**No:** and I grew up in texas???????? like what is your point here

 

**No:** are you saying that all texans are sluts? because yes

 

**Gremlin:** pfft

 

**Lancelot:** you should say that to her

 

**Lancelot:** the galra part I mean

 

**Lancelot:** not the part about texans being sluts

 

**Gremlin:** no _do_ tell her the part about texans being sluts, I’m fairly certain she’s texan

 

**No:** pidge no

 

**No:** and I’m already known in class as the cryptid kid, ppl would think I was making the alien crap up

 

**Lancelot:** id punch them

 

**No:** please don’t

 

**Gremlin:** so halfhearted keith

 

**No:** I have legitimately no energy rn

 

**No:** I’ve fallen on the couch and I can’t fricken get up

 

**Lancelot:** same man

 

**Lancelot:** I’m half asleep

 

**Gremlin:** lance aren’t you at a fuckin wedding

 

**Lancelot:** yeh

 

**Gremlin:** ok keith it’s time to shut up now we need to let lance uhh be at a wedding

 

**Lancelot:** no I’m too tired to pay attention

 

**Lancelot:** and my sister’s kinda a bitch anyway, only her husband’s nice

 

**Lancelot:** entertain me

 

**Gremlin:** fine

 

**No:** hey you know what else happened today

 

**Lancelot:** what

 

**No:** I saw hunk kissing that girl

 

**No:** oh what’s her name

 

**No:** fuck, you know balmera? the fuck is her first name

 

**Gremlin:** shay?

 

**No:** YES

 

**Lancelot:** oh my god really???

 

**No:** yeah, he was kissing shay

 

**No:** they might be together?

 

**Gremlin:** from what I heard hunk really likes her so I’m happy for them

 

**Lancelot:** yay

 

**Lancelot:** oh crap I actually have to pay attention now, vows n stuff

 

**Lancelot:** bye guys

 

**Gremlin:** bye

 

**No:** bye idiot

  


_Individual message between Gremlin and Sweetest Boi_

 

**Gremlin:** he almost said it holy fuck

 

**Gremlin:** hhhhhhhhhh

 

**Gremlin:** how much longer are they going to do this for fuck’s sake

 

**Sweetest Boi:** idk what you’re talking about but if it’s lance and keith then I don’t know

 

**Sweetest Boi:** they’re both incredibly dense

 

**Gremlin:** true that

  


*time passes*

  


_God Bless the Gays_

 

**Takashit:** yo we’re back? And I think a game of truth or dare is in order

 

**No:** shiro why

 

**Matthematics:** because of what happened in this chat while we were gone

 

**Adamn:** seriously keith, so close

 

**No:** shut your fucking mouth

 

**Lancelot:**???????

 

**Gremlin:** oh! truth or dare!!! yes!!!!!!!! me first???

 

**Adamn:** yea okay

 

**Gremlin:** adam!! truth or dare

 

**Adamn:** shit

 

**Adamn:** truth

 

**Gremlin:** how did you know you liked matt and shiro??????

 

**Adamn:** that was not the question I was expecting but ok

 

**Adamn:** shiro’s so nice and pretty and shit so I fell in love instantly

 

**Adamn:** and then I saw matt and I saw how shiro kinda liked matt too so I thought maybe?? like I already knew I was poly so it wasn’t a revelation for me

 

**Takashit:** for me, on the other hand………

 

**Adamn:** yeah, shiro had a nice panic moment, but we’re all good now

 

**Gremlin:** _nice_

 

**Adamn:** okay, uh Keith

 

**No:** dare

 

**No:** wait actually truth

 

**Adamn:** okay, who do you have a crush on

 

**No:** Aiden Maxwell

 

**Gremlin:** *eyes emoji*

 

**Adamn:** who the fuck is that

 

**No:** a boy in my math class

 

**Takashit:** can confirm, that is one of his crushes

 

**Adamn:** “one of”

 

**No:** I have been betrayed

 

**Gremlin:** oh come on keith

 

**Lancelot:** am I missing something here?

 

**Gremlin:** yes

 

**No:** NO

 

**No:** pidge truth or dare

 

**Gremlin:** um truth

 

**No:** have you ever fuckin uhhh

 

**No:** done drugs

 

**Gremlin:** oh come on my brother’s on here

 

**Matthematics:** ……

 

**Gremlin:** but no, I haven’t

 

**Matthematics:** _good_

 

**Gremlin:** Lance truth or dare

 

**Lancelot:** uhh truth

 

**Gremlin:** why are y’all so stupid

 

**Gremlin:** who do you have a crush on

 

**Gremlin:** I know there’s only one, so don’t even bother

 

**Lancelot:** shit

 

**Lancelot:** well… actually you’re wrong about that

 

**Lancelot:** I’ve had a crush on the guy who plays spiderman for the _longest_ time

 

**Dead:** just poppin in, can confirm

 

**Lancelot:** thx hayes

 

**No:** tom holland???

 

**Lancelot:** yeh

 

**No:** aight, fair

 

**No:** he’s kinda cute and like, strong

 

**Lancelot:** ikr??

 

**Lancelot:** ok shiroooooo, truth or dare

 

**Takashit:** ehhhhhh truth

 

**Lancelot:** tell us about this poly panic you had

 

**Takashit:** that’s not exactly a question but whatever

 

**Takashit:** so I was dating adam right?? but y’all know I liked matt for forever

 

**Takashit:** so I freaked, thought I was being unfaithful to adam, had a nice panic attack or two, and then adam and I talked about it and we asked matt out together

 

**Takashit:** so yeah

 

**Lancelot:** that’s so cute!!!

 

**Matthematics:** well it was kinda a shocker to me

 

**Matthematics:** I hadn’t considered a poly relationship before they asked, so I was a complete mess

 

**Takashit:** he nearly started crying

 

**Matthematics:** to be fair, I already had a crush on shiro but I gave up on him when he started dating adam. so... not my fault,,,, ok?

 

**Takashit:** I feel like I should get some credit here , b/c I actually had a crush on allura at the time??? and then I learned she was a lesbian and my heart kinda died like a lot

 

**Princess:** i _apologized_ for that

 

**Takashit:** I know, but my heart, allura

 

**Takashit:** it was _broken_

 

**Adamn:** cut the drama and let matt ask his truth or dare question

 

**Matthematics:** thanks babe <3

 

**Adamn:** no problem babe <3

 

**Gremlin:** _gross_

 

**Matthematics:** soooooo, allllura

 

**Princess:** yeeeeeees

 

**Matthematics:** truth or dare

 

**Princess:** dare

 

**Matthematics:** a smart one approaches!

 

**Matthematics:** draw your best approximation of a dog, then post it when you’re done

 

**Princess:** you *know* I’m shit at drawing but ok, give me ten

 

**Matthematics:** give a t/d before you go?

 

**Princess:** okay, melle? you here??

 

**Romellllllle:** ye

 

**Romellllllle:** dare pleas

 

**Princess:** change your nickname to fluffbun

 

**Romellllllle:** …

 

**_Romellllllle_ ** _changed their nickname to_ **_Fluffbun_ **

 

**Fluffbun:** I hate you

 

**Princess:** love you too

 

**Fluffbun:** hey keith!!! truth or dare

 

**No:** I’ve learned my lesson, dare

 

**Fluffbun:** change ur nickname to… umm…

 

**No:** yes?

 

**Fluffbun:** ummmmmmmmmm,,,,,

 

**Fluffbun:** OH

 

**Fluffbun:** change it to cariño

 

**Lancelot:** aaaaaAAAAAAAA ROMELLE NO

 

**_No_ ** _changed their nickname to_ **_Cariño_ **

 

**Cariño:** what is the point of this

 

**Lancelot:** noooooooo

 

**Fluffbun:** lance is the point

 

**Cariño:** I mean I don’t understand but okay

 

**Cariño:** can we be done with this stupid game yet

 

**Matthematics:** we haven’t seen allura’s dog yet

 

**Princess:** oh yeh, I didn’t draw one, I don’t have paper

 

**Princess:** give me a different dare?

 

**Matthematics:** *siiiiiiigh* change your nickname to allure, idec anymore

 

**_Princess_ ** _changed their nickname to_ **_Allure_ **

 

**Allure:** are we, like,, done here

 

**Fluffbun:** ye, me and allura wanna go do stuff

 

**Gremlin:** *wink*

 

**Fluffbun:** nO

 

**Cariño:** I actually kinda wanna sleep? It’s like 11pm guys

 

**Gremlin:** oh yeah, I guess it is

 

**Gremlin:** goodnight everyones

 

**Allure:** goodnight pidge!!

  
**Fluffbun:** goodnight :3 see you guys tomorrow!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed, leave a kudos and comment with literally anything - even if it's just keyboard smash, it makes my day! Next chapter will hopefully be up in less than a week (but we all know how that goes, so I'll give myself two, just in case).


	4. In Which Hayes Is The MVP Of This Entire Fic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dead: heyyyyy Lance
> 
>  
> 
> Lancelot: heyyyyyy what
> 
>  
> 
> Dead: I might have um
> 
>  
> 
> Dead: uh
> 
>  
> 
> Dead: I kinda sorta maybe told cedes and sol about your crush? and theyre going ballistic
> 
>  
> 
> Lancelot: ………….fUCK
> 
>  
> 
> AKA: General madness, general chaos, and some fucking drama

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Has it been two weeks yet? ;p
> 
> Anyway,,, have some laughs

**Cariño:** I just realized, we never asked

 

**Lancelot:** ??

 

**Cariño:** hunk are you really dating balmera?

 

**Sweetest Boi:** yeah, I am!!!

 

**Lancelot:** that’s so pure

 

**Sweetest Boi:** I love her!!!! she’s so amazing!!!!!!

 

**Sweetest Boi:** actually since we’re dating I guess I could add her to the chat??

 

**Gremlin:** ooo yes please

 

**Sweetest Boi:** ok

 

**_Sweetest Boi_ ** _ added  _ **_Shayyyyy_ ** _ to the chat _

 

**Shayyyyy:** sup

 

**Gremlin:** what’s with that nickname

 

**Shayyyyy:** nothin

 

**Cariño:** *cough* memelord *cough*

 

**Shayyyyy:** oh I see how it is

 

**Shayyyyy:** I guess that’s keith then

 

**Shayyyyy:** if I may ask, what’s with  _ your  _ nickname?

 

**Cariño:** romelle picked it for me, idk what it even means

 

**Shayyyyy:** ohhh boy

 

**Lancelot:** shay blease don’t

 

**Shayyyyy:** oh hewwo lance

 

**Lancelot:** hewwo fellow memelord

 

**Shayyyyy:** I have been attacked

 

**Gremlin:** in case you didn’t know, I’m pidge

 

**Gremlin:** just fyi matthematics is matt, adamn is adam, fluffbun is romelle, allure is allura, and takashit is of course shiro

 

**Shayyyyy:** I prolly would’ve guessed most of those, but

 

**Shayyyyy:** @takashit, really??

 

**Takashit:** oh hi shay!! it is I, supreme leader and overlord shiro

 

**Shayyyyy:** that… doesn’t sound like shiro at  _ all _

 

**Takashit:** lol it’s matt, I’m on shiro’s phone

 

**Shayyyyy:** o well, nice to meet you? but why do you have shiro’s phone

 

**Matthematics:** ok that’s better

 

**Matthematics:** because we’re dating

 

**Shayyyyy:** i thought shiro was dating adam??

 

**Matthematics:** we’re all dating each other

 

**Shayyyyy:** ohhhhhh!

 

**Shayyyyy:** that’s very gay

 

**Matthematics:** yes indeed

 

**Sweetest Boi:** shaaaaaay

 

**Shayyyyy:** yeeeeees

 

**Sweetest Boi:** you’re embarrassing me :::

 

**Shayyyyy:** aww I’m sorry babe <3 I’ll chill out a lil

 

**Sweetest Boi:** thx babe <3

 

**Gremlin:** I’m sorry but huge ship??? this is so cute imo

 

**Cariño:** pidge, repeat after me - we. do. not. ship. real. people. okay??

 

**Gremlin:** but keeeeeeeith

 

**Gremlin:** it’s so cute

 

**Cariño:** pidge, no

 

**Gremlin:** :(

 

**Lancelot:** keith could you pleeease change ur nickname

 

**Cariño:** not until I know why you hate it so much

 

**Lancelot:** uuuuuuuuum never mind then!

 

**Cariño:** wow, must be quite the secret

 

**Cariño:** I might just look it up myself

 

**Lancelot:** NO

 

**Cariño:** ok ok, chill, I was joking

 

**Lancelot:** _ good _

 

**Dead:** just poppin in, um, we have a problem

 

**Lancelot:** what kind of problem

 

**Dead:** check ur private chat w/ me like, now

 

**Lancelot:** ok, bye guys

  
  


_ Individual chat between  _ **_Dead_ ** _ and  _ **_Lancelot_ **

 

**Dead:** heyyyyy Lance

 

**Lancelot:** heyyyyyy what

 

**Dead:** I might’ve um

 

**Dead:** uh

 

**Dead:** I kinda sorta maybe told cedes and sol about your crush? and theyre going ballistic

 

**Lancelot:** ………….fUCK

 

**Lancelot:** w h Y  did you do that

 

**Dead:** they asked?? and now they really wanna tell keith

 

**Lancelot:** fuck

 

**Lancelot:** whatever you do, do  _ not  _ let them do that

 

**Dead:** I’ll try my best

 

**Dead:** I’ve confiscated their phones, locked them in their room - luckily ma isn’t home to stop me

 

**Dead:** but you should probably come and deal w/ them

 

**Lancelot:** thank you  _ so  _ much hayes

 

**Lancelot:** I’ll be there in twenty

 

**Dead:** ok, see you

  
  


_ Individual chat between  _ **_Dead_ ** _ and  _ **_Cariño_ **

 

**Dead:** hey keith??

 

**Cariño:** yes

 

**Dead:** I  k i n d a  would like you to come to my house??? yk that emergency I was telling lance about? we need more hands

 

**Cariño:** no problem, be there in fifteen-ish

 

**Cariño:** btw what’s my nickname mean? I’ll tell lance I just looked it up myself, no blame will go to you

 

**Dead:** well I can’t tell you what it means

 

**Cariño:** :(

 

**Dead:** bUT

 

**Dead:** I can tell you lance doesn’t want you to have it because it’s a name he wants to use for you but can’t

 

**Cariño:** that’s so cryptic, I’m looking it up

 

**Dead:** aight

 

**Cariño:** …

 

**Cariño:** are you telling me he has a crush on me?????

 

**Dead:** yeah

 

**Cariño:** be there in 5, lance and I  _ really _ need to talk

 

**Dead:** pretty please don’t tell him I told you?

 

**Cariño:** I won’t

 

**Cariño:** don’t tell him I’m coming, he’ll panic

 

**Dead:** can do

 

**Dead:** good luck

 

***

 

“Hey, it’s Keith.”

The door opened, and Keith saw a tall, smiling boy on the other side. “Hey, Keith. Lance isn’t here yet, so… come in, I guess?”

Keith followed the boy in. “Sorry, I just–who are you?”

“Oh!” The boy laughed. “Sorry. I’m Hayes. It’s great to meet you in person, I guess. Lance will be here in a bit. Do you wanna meet some of the others while you wait?”

“Sure,” Keith said.

Hayes lead him up a set of stairs and into another room. “Cedes, Sol! Where the fuck–”

“Hey!” A little girl ran up to Hayes, eyebrows furrowed. “Don’t say that word unless you really, really mean it!”

Hayes ruffled her hair. “Okay. Keith, this one’s Sol. Cedes is around here somewhere, just let me–oof!”

Another young girl–Mercedes, Keith assumed–had tackled Hayes, sending him tumbling to the floor. “I win!” she crowed, pumping a hand in the air. “Yes, yes! Sol, we won!” The twins high-fived, and Hayes groaned from beneath them.

“Sol, my knee, that’s my knee,  _ ow–” _

They eventually got untangled, and Hayes introduced Keith to two other girls, Rosa and Mila, who were reading quietly–”for once,” Hayes muttered, getting a snort out of Keith–and finally, Nathan, who was typing away on a computer.

“He’s a writer,” Hayes explained. “An author, I guess. He writes stories about other people’s characters.”

“So, fanfiction,” Keith supplied.   
Nathan said, “yup,” still engrossed in his writing. “The clean kind. Obviously.”

“Obviously.” Keith raised an eyebrow. “Right.”

Nathan blew a raspberry at him. “Right. End of discussion,” he said curtly.

Hayes dragged Keith away before he could make a retort. 

“You don’t want to get in an argument with Nathan,” he warned. “He  _ always  _ wins.”

“Always?”

“Pretty much,” Hayes said with a rueful grin.

Just then, the front door opened, and Lance walked in, already talking. “Hayes, what’s the–” His eyes widened comically when he saw Keith. “Um, what’s going on?”

Keith grabbed Lance’s arm, and Hayes could practically see the wires short-circuiting in his brother’s brain. “We need to talk. In private. Is there a place–”

“Um, my room. Let’s go.”

Hayes waved cheerfully at Lance’s confused expression. “Have fun, you two!”

 

***

 

“Lance.”

“Keith.”

They sat there in silence for a long while, staring at each other until Lance blushed and said, “what?”

“I told Hayes I wouldn’t tell you this, but, um, he kind of let me know you have a crush on me? And I just–”

Lance jerked back as though he had been shocked. “He  _ what?” _

Keith bit his lower lip. “Is it true?”

“Well, I,” Lance stammered, face growing impossibly redder. “Yes? But–it doesn’t have to–”

“Dumbass,” Keith murmured, kissing him full on the lips.

When they separated, Lance looked at Keith with a dazed expression. “I–do you–”

“I like you too, stupid.” Keith smiled at him gently. “The real question is, why didn’t you tell me?”

Lance beamed. “Okay, hold on a sec, I just gotta process this. You just  _ kissed  _ me, told me you liked me back, and now you’re attacking me for not telling you sooner? Why didn’t  _ you?” _

“I, umm,” Keith said, glancing to the side. “I kinda thought… I wasn’t your type? I mean, I’ve met your sister’s boyfriend–I mean, husband–and he’s  _ nothing  _ like me. I just assumed…”

“Well, I’ll shoot that answer right back at you. That’s why I didn’t tell you.” Lance laughed. “You like tall, buff guys. And, well, I’m tall, but I’m _nowhere_ near buff. And, like, you’re from Texas, and I’m technically an immigrant, and–”

Keith frowned.  _ “Please  _ tell me you didn’t think I hated you for being an immigrant, which you’re not, by the way.”

“It crossed my mind,” Lance admitted. “My  _ parents _ are immigrants, and, I mean, Texas–”

“I don’t fucking care about any of that, Lance. I like  _ you,  _ and that’s never going to change.”

They kissed again, then fell into an easy hug, both of them clinging to the other as though their lives depended on it.

It felt like home.

 

***

 

_ God Bless The Gays _

 

**Cariño:** good news guys

 

**Lancelot:** very good news!!

 

**Dead:** amazingly good news!!!!!!!

 

**Gremlin:** oh lord, what is it

 

**Dead:** pidge you’re gonna  f l i p

 

**Takashit:** hold up what’s going on?

 

**Adamn:** what??

 

**Matthematics:** hang on I want an explanation

 

**Sweetest Boi:** ummm I would like an explanation also

 

**Shayyyyy:** me toooooo

 

**Allure:** ??

 

**Fluffbun:** I see the whole crew is here, let’s hear it

 

**Lancelot:** okay so

 

**Cariño:** we’re dating

 

**Lancelot:** god damnit keith, I wanted to say it

 

**Cariño:** too bad

 

**Gremlin:** yesssSSSSSSS

 

**Gremlin:** _ finally _

 

**Dead:** ikr?? I can finally stop hearing about keith all the time

 

**Lancelot:** _ h a y e s _

 

**Sweetest Boi:** congrats!

 

**Shayyyyy:** congratulations guys! ik lance has been pining since forever

 

**Lancelot:** S H A Y

 

**Shayyyyy:** sorry :(

 

**Lancelot:** …forgiven

 

**Cariño:** should I be jealous???

 

**Shayyyyy:** yes

 

**Lancelot:** NO

 

**Lancelot:** shay you dickwad

 

**Sweetest Boi:** shaaaaaaaaaay c’mon

 

**Shayyyyy:** ok I’m sorry, congrats lance

 

**Gremlin:** _ whipped _

 

**Allure:** romelle and I say congratulations! her phone died lol

 

**Takashit:** my little bro, all grown up

 

**Adamn:** we’re proud of you keith

 

**Matthematics:** you have inherited your brother’s good tastes

 

**Adamn:** and the big gay™

 

**Takashit:** guys,  _ please _

 

**Dead:** mercedes and sol are reading off my shoulder and they think it’s awesome

 

**Dead:** “keith is  _ so _ cool” - sol

 

**Dead:** “can he be my boyfriend instead? I want him” - cedes

 

**Cariño:** awwww

 

**Lancelot:** wow, their game is strong

 

**Lancelot:** trying to steal their brother’s boyfriend?

 

**Cariño:** their brother’s  _ gay  _ boyfriend? high hopes indeed

 

**Dead:** they’re both pan we think so they don’t really understand how you wouldn’t like them

 

**Dead:** they think everyone just likes everyone and we haven’t been able to explain

 

**Dead:** speaking of,,, I need to change my nickname

 

**_Dead_ ** _ changed their nickname to  _ **_Token Gay_ **

 

**Cariño:** you’re gay?

 

**Token Gay:** technically ace homoromantic, but yea

 

**Cariño:** huh

 

**Cariño:** I’m disappointed in myself

 

**Token Gay:** why???

 

**Lancelot:** because he didn’t notice, most likely

 

**Cariño:** I just didn’t get gay vibes off of you

 

**Cariño:** I guess allura doesn’t really give off gay vibes either though

 

**Takashit:** either that or both of us are just incredibly dense

 

**Cariño:** it runs in the family

 

**Token Gay:** is this a story? I would like to hear the story

 

**Cariño:** in short, shiro had a crush on allura, but she’s a lesbian

 

**Cariño:** and it took him like three years to notice

 

**Takashit:** it’s not like she noticed I had a crush on her, so

 

**Takashit:** and anyway, if i’d ended up with her I never would’ve had adam and matt, so I think it turned out for the better

 

**Allure:** I can’t tell if I should be relieved or offended

 

**Fluffbun:** it’s okay allura, I love you <3

 

**Allure:** love you too <3

 

**Gremlin:** look at all you guys in happy relationships

 

**Gremlin:** makes my heart fuckin melt

 

**Lancelot:** I’m sorry pidge

 

**Gremlin:** I’m not

 

**Cariño:** me neither

 

**Token Gay:** heyyyy can I buy a happy relationship by chance?? are you selling????

 

**Lancelot:** um, no, get your own

 

**Token Gay:** I’m trying but I can’t seem to find one

 

**Gremlin:** it’s ok buddy, you’ll get one eventually

 

**Gremlin:** or not

 

**Gremlin:** it’s really your call

 

**Token Gay:** thanks pidge :3

 

**Gremlin:** you’re welcome :3

 

**Lancelot:** look at this friendship, isn’t it beautiful

 

**Token Gay:** that’s a little weird coming from my brother, but whatever

 

**Gremlin:** that also…. doesn’t sound anything like lance

 

**Lancelot:** you got me, it’s keith lol

 

**Gremlin:** that doesn’t sound like keith either tho

 

**Cariño:** lance can’t find his phone?? who has it

 

**Lancelot:** hahahahaha it’s milaaaaaaaaaaaa

 

**Cariño:** oh

 

**Token Gay:** huh. didn’t think it was coming from my sister, either

 

**Cariño:** lemme tell lance

 

**Lancelot:** fuck

 

**_Lancelot_ ** _ added  _ **_Top_ ** _ to the chat _

 

**Top:** sup

 

**Cariño:** mila this is lance and I’m going to  _ kill  _ you

 

**Top:** youre a twig

 

**Lancelot:** hmmmmmm

 

**Lancelot:** my buff boyfriend is going to kill you

 

**Top:** fuuuuck

 

**Gremlin:** not to be rude, but what the fuck is that username

 

**Top:** oh 

 

**Top:** it matches one of my friends

 

**Gremlin:** is your friend’s username ‘bottom’ because, uhhh

 

**Top:** n O

 

**Top:** it’s That

 

**Top:** yk top that? the froyo place

 

**Gremlin:** oh yeaaaa

 

**Gremlin:** still suspicious tho

 

**Top:** I don’t like you

 

**Gremlin:** well I don’t like you either

 

**Matthematics:** woah it is goin  _ down _

 

**Gremlin:** so now you show up?? stupid brother. worthless

 

**Top:** who is this devious man? I think I would like to marry him

 

**Matthematics:** I’m matt, but I already have two boyfriends, sorry

 

**Takashit:** you can’t have him

 

**Adamn:** back off

 

**Matthematics:** and,,, there they are

 

**Top:** wow, I summoned them

 

**Matthematics:** I love you guys <3

 

**Adamn:** love you too <3

 

**Takashit:** <3<3<3

 

**Gremlin:** can us younger siblings agree that this is disgusting

 

**Gremlin:** keith that’s you

 

**Cariño:** oh

 

**Cariño:** um, yes

 

**Top:** so you’re gonna pretend you weren’t just kissing lance, huuuuuuh

 

**Gremlin:** I’m sorry,  _ what _

 

**Lancelot:** can I not get a SECOND of privacy around here

 

**Gremlin:** keith you fucking traitor

 

**Cariño:** what did I do????

 

**Gremlin:** had your first kiss before me, that’s what

 

**Cariño:** ace aro?? pidge???? is upset because I kissed someone before them??????? Wow

 

**Gremlin:** that sounds suspiciously like lance

 

**Cariño:** its not

 

**Gremlin:** hmmmm

 

**Cariño:** really??

 

**Gremlin:** hmmmmmmm

 

**Cariño:** :p

 

**Gremlin:** okay, definitely lance

 

**Cariño:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

**Top:** lance stop

 

**Lancelot:** okay I’m sorry

 

**Gremlin:** wow that was fast

 

**Lancelot:** I am Afraid

 

**Top:** you should be

 

**Allure:** shouldn’t you guys be going to bed? it’s kinda late

 

**Adamn:** oh gosh youre right

 

**Takashit:** all younguns get to bed

 

**Lancelot:** fine, then

 

**Gremlin:** I hate you

  
**Takashit:** love you too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry! There will be plenty more drama between my best bois! Just wait :)  
> Hope you liked, leave a comment, leave a kudos <3 it means a lot! Remember, keyboard smash is appreciated, too! Goodbye, you lovely coconuts

**Author's Note:**

> And that is all for this post! Comments feed my soul! (And suggestions are much appreciated!)  
> (I PROMISE I'm trying to update - school is a bitch and I haven't had time to write at all due to a couple essays and general stress. Please bear with me! I'm trying!)


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